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Our Litmus Test Limits Our Listening
“I feel like I might not be a good mom. He’s a person. I am responsible for a person! There’s a physical limit to what I can do so I let him watch tv or give him the ipad. It’s hard for me to keep up. I feel like I need to be educating him every second of the day.” The frustration in her voice was palpable through the phone. It was our monthly coaching call to check her progress on her annual plan. While she said she was tracking in most areas, she had done very little with regard to her health. I asked a few questions and the conversation quickly became a lament with regard to her abilities as a mother. The Litmus Test In “The Happiness Formula,” I discuss the need to examine our “litmus test,” the standards, beliefs, ideals we have about who we are “supposed” […]
Book Signing Celebration: Special Thanks
She looked me in the eyes and held my gaze for a minute and then reached out and grabbed my shoulder as if to ensure I would not miss what she was about to say, “By knowing you, by being here with you to celebrate, I feel like I am part of this, that I helped write this book.” She nailed it! My friend had just articulated the feeling that was palpable the evening we celebrated the release of “The Happiness Formula.” Of the 55 friends and new acquaintances who stayed for just a few minutes of the full two hours, the energy, the excitement, the HAPPY was high! THANK YOU to all those who celebrated with me at the “Book Signing & Celebration” held at my client and friend’s restaurant, The Egg & I on Saturday, February 2, 2019. I spent the evening behind a podium writing notes of […]
Is it Self-Care or Narcissism?
The problem in America isn’t so much what people don’t know, the problem is what people think they know that just ain’t so. (Will Rogers) Insufficient facts always invite danger. (Spock) When I wrote “The Happiness Formula” it never dawned on me that it is part of the “self-care” trend. In hindsight, of course it is a guide to self-care, it is the essence of caring for self – finding your “happy” in all areas of your life. Thus, when I came across the research stating “Google searches for ‘self-care’ hit a 14-year high in September,” and, “Apple even named self-care its ‘2018 App Trend of the Year’,” I had to look into this term a bit more. To my chagrin but not surprisingly, this term has been so usurped by the masses that the purpose of “self-care” has been lost. “Self-care is about taking care of yourself so that […]
You Too Have Superpowers!
An excerpt from “The Happiness Formula” chapter: “YOU TOO HAVE SUPERPOWERS” Our favorite protagonist pops up across all genres of literature, both classic and contemporary, in movies, plays, almost any story around the world for centuries – the HERO. The hero is after some ultimate objective and must encounter and overcome obstacles along the way to achieving this goal. He or she is usually morally good, though that goodness will likely be challenged throughout the story. Heroes’ ability to stay true to themselves despite the trials they must face is what makes them heroic. That and the fact that they are often responsible for saving a bunch of people (or hobbits, or wizards, or space aliens). While there are many types of heroes, we have a particular affinity for the “reluctant” or the “unlikely” hero because us “mere mortals” can relate better to the character who does not seek glory […]
Betrayal
“Are you screwing my husband?” I could feel the nervous energy of the woman on the other end of the phone as she paused before responding, “You will have to speak to him about that.” I took a deep breath partly in an effort to control the venomous anger I felt not just at her but my husband and yet…. I was relieved. I finally had my excuse to leave him. “For what it is worth, you do not want to be this type of woman. He is obviously a piece of sh%& and if he will do this to me, his wife, he will do it to you. So, you can have him. Good luck but I hope you choose to do better than the choice you are making right now.” She stuttered as she responded, “Oh, okay…thank you?” With a sound of triumph in my voice that was […]
How Do You Make God Laugh?
How Do You Make God Laugh?…Tell Him, “I have a plan.” “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways,” says ADONAI. As high as the sky is above the earth are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9 CJB) During our brief Monday call, Meagan stated she had been speaking to another financial advisor who told her the contracts she recently signed will lose her money and have negative tax implications. I informed her that we needed to set a face to face so I could walk her through the facts and the contractual guarantees, after which she will rest assured her money is safe. She agreed to wait for my follow up email with dates and times to meet. When I sent an email with meeting options over a week out, she informed me I was […]
Body Dysmorphia
According to the Body Mass Indices which compare height and weight, I am overweight. On my wedding day October 27, 2013 I weighted 143lbs. My husband asserts I was anorexic. At 5’6” with a medium frame, I was not remotely underweight. My body had always been healthy and strong, and it was the weight I had been used to since my college days in the late 80s/early 90s. Fast forward to 2018 and the scale consistently rests at 155lbs. While it might teeter upwards to 158lb or even drop to 152lbs, my new “normal” for the past couple of years seems to be the mid 150s. I ran a ½ marathon in May 2016 and after 6 months of training the scale never dropped below 152lbs. For a woman who has suffered body-dysmorphia her whole life, getting comfortable with a weight that by all body mass indices places me in […]
How Do You Know If You’ve “Made It?”
How do you know if you’ve “made it?” What’s the criteria, the standards, the metrics? I was 27 years old when I drove my first “new-to-me” luxury car off the showroom floor. It was an emerald green, tan leather interior, V8, Oldsmobile Aurora complete with sunroof, heated seats, and more bells and whistles than I had ever seen in a car. It had been the dealer’s car, so it had extras one did not always get, the mileage was low, and its upkeep was pristine. I was in heaven. I researched a lot of cars before I bought the Aurora and I felt particularly proud that the demographic for who drove this car were 60yo men who made over $100,000. It was the late-90s so to think I was similar to a population group with a financial metric I deemed “worthy,” gave me a sense of accomplishment. I had made […]
The Fun is in the Fight
Recently I attended two professional women’s meetings and heard what I consider “disturbing” comments from women. The first comment came from a woman encouraging a man to join the organization, “You would do very well in this women’s group because women would rather do business with a man.” The second comment came from a woman who expressed deep dissatisfaction with policies of “equal opportunity” and “quotas” because she, like so many, have the unconscious bias that to allow a historically disenfranchised person into an area of society that had been exclusively reserved for Caucasian males, was to allow someone with “less than” the required skills, talent, intellect to take a job or position or even money from a “more deserving” person. As a former all-star team catcher, I am humbled that the law that allowed me into my beloved sport had only barely been overturned when I entered little league […]