How Do You Know If You’ve “Made It?”
How do you know if you’ve “made it?” What’s the criteria, the standards, the metrics?
I was 27 years old when I drove my first “new-to-me” luxury car off the showroom floor. It was an emerald green, tan leather interior, V8, Oldsmobile Aurora complete with sunroof, heated seats, and more bells and whistles than I had ever seen in a car. It had been the dealer’s car, so it had extras one did not always get, the mileage was low, and its upkeep was pristine. I was in heaven.
I researched a lot of cars before I bought the Aurora and I felt particularly proud that the demographic for who drove this car were 60yo men who made over $100,000. It was the late-90s so to think I was similar to a population group with a financial metric I deemed “worthy,” gave me a sense of accomplishment. I had made it!….Hadn’t I?
I didn’t quite make $100,000 yet so, alas, I was not there…yet.
A few years later I got divorced and bought a home for myself. I had just barely turned 31yo and while I had purchased a home with my husband, buying a home on my own without financial assistance from anyone and making all the decisions about location, upgrades, etc., I knew I had finally made it! My home was even in a somewhat coveted area of town so not only did I have the financial wherewithal to provide for myself, I was even “savvy” enough to purchase in a part of town people would express how impressed they were with my purchase. Yup, made it I had….hadn’t I?
I wanted to be impressive not so much so others would applaud me. I needed to impress myself! But when does it end? Every time I thought I had finally checked all the boxes that define “success” – degrees, homes, cars, financial security, community status, gifted children, healthy physique, loving relationships, running a marathon….something else presents itself as better and more than what I had done such that I had to reassess, “Have I made it YET?!”
We all have a litmus test whether or not we can clearly articulate it in a checklist. It’s the “I will know I am a success when…” fill in blank statement. “I will know I am a success when my father tells me he is proud of me.” “I will know I am a success when I have $100,000 liquid cash.” “I will know I am a success when I become a partner in my company….have a child that graduates college….climb Mt. Everest….the list is endless if one does not recognize the insidious nature of feelings as opposed to facts.
I tell people frequently, “Order Matters. Faith…Facts…Feelings.” Until I became aware that so much of what I held as a standard for my life was largely based on what others defined and, as such, I was basing my success on the “approval of others,” I was unable to define the standards for myself. Coming to terms with what is real and viable and important for oneself is a process. And if one does not engage in the process, one can never achieve the highest level of peace and freedom – happiness.
The time it takes to become sustainably happy is process that takes intentional effort to:
- understand facts (IQ),
- apply those facts in an appropriate and effective manner (EQ),
- draw upon the hope and faith of a better future. (GQ)
Very few people engage in the process in every area of their life. For those who do, for those who participate in “The Happiness Formula,” sustainable and inexplicable happiness is the only outcome.