Do You Want to Be Competent or Likeable?
I could have scripted Robin Hauser’s TedTalk “The Likeability Dilemma for Women Leaders.” What this documentarian reveals has been my reality since 1st grade when I was told a girl cannot be president of the class as “that is a boy’s job”…. and it is probably why I ended up being president of my class throughout high school. LOL!
I value COMPETENCE over LIKEABILITY and, yet, the most competent and capable do not always win. So much of life is not just about who you know, but who likes you enough to help you.
It is the politics, the “kissing up,” the sycophancy that makes most of us retch and, yet, some of us are simply better at saying what needs to be said…or not. Some of us tolerate the ruse better than someone like me. And just in case you missed it, I am a girl and ….
Research reveals girls cannot be competent AND likeable…
…apparently, “that is a boy’s job.”
As a JUBILARIAN, I am at that age and stage of life where I am supernaturally secure in my competencies and beautifully blessed with consistent and tangible feedback that I am likeable enough to be effective.
Being effective for others, being useful to people, being a resource so others may prosper is far more important to me than whether one actually “likes” me. I have always desired being competent over being liked so it helps to know that the people tension I have encountered over the years may not have always been about my inability to walk and talk and speak and write in a manner worthy of “liking.” Rather, the fact that I have never been the most liked, might have more to do with gender bias.
Even Jesus had haters. Either way, the biases of others have not always seemed “fair” and, very often, they seemed “cruel.”
Have my feelings been hurt? … Absolutely.
Have I lost out on business/money because of it? … Absof-inglutely!
Have I lost friends? Have I struggled with my spouse and found marriage the hardest role I have ever assumed? … Lord have mercy, yes!
And, yet, all praise and glory to Adonai, I have been successful in ways society values and, more importantly, I am successful according to my own standards.
I love me, I like me, I value me.
Warts and all, I AM Competent AND Likeable for those who are secure in their own competencies.
I pray as you read what I have written and listen to the TedTalk, you do not use the information to substantiate reasons to dislike any particular group of humans. Rather, I pray this brief insight and research liberates you as you embrace the Truth that humans are fallible, finite, fickle and sometimes downright f-ed up! So, we forgive, we move on, we succeed anyway!
If you do not know how to live in these Truths, contact me and let’s chat. It is my honor to lead you to the path of John 10:10, the path of ABUNDANT PEACE FREEDOM HAPPINESS.
Chazak Ubaruch – Be Strong Be Blessed – Shalom
Now make sure and watch Hauser’s talk: robin_hauser_the_likability_dilemma_for_women_leaders_jan_2022
I’m excited to walk this journey with you as we unveil the practical and research-based information on how to achieve that which we all desire for ourselves and others – to be “happy”. We discover that happiness is attainable and, better yet, sustainable, as long as one is willing to do the work. In my book “The Happiness Formula”, I dive into each element in detail. Order your copy of “The Happiness Formula”, click here and subscribe to my YouTube Channel (click here) for continued insights and updates into HAPPINESS. Thank you for your support!
Kasandra Vitacca Mitchell
Kasandra Vitacca Mitchell is an Author, Speaker, Coach of Wealth & Happiness with a mission to bring research, wisdom, and authenticity to others via “The Happiness Formula.”