Betrayal
“Are you screwing my husband?”
I could feel the nervous energy of the woman on the other end of the phone as she paused before responding, “You will have to speak to him about that.”
I took a deep breath partly in an effort to control the venomous anger I felt not just at her but my husband and yet…. I was relieved. I finally had my excuse to leave him.
“For what it is worth, you do not want to be this type of woman. He is obviously a piece of sh%& and if he will do this to me, his wife, he will do it to you. So, you can have him. Good luck but I hope you choose to do better than the choice you are making right now.”
She stuttered as she responded, “Oh, okay…thank you?”
With a sound of triumph in my voice that was both real and protective, I stated, “You are welcome,” and hung up.
I called my husband and as soon as he answered I told him, “Come home and get your sh&% out of my f#%-ing house.”
The aftermath of kicking my adulterous husband out of the house included his draining all our bank accounts and a debt of $14,000 that I was not aware had been accumulated. Of course, I was also dealing with the pain of rejection and disrespect not just from the adultery, but the almost four years of insanity I endured due to his verbal abuse. Bear in mind, I was fully aware of the Truth: we are a reflection of those in our immediate circle. I could not place the blame entirely on him and this was probably the most uncomfortable aspect of leaving a toxic relationship – I had to confront myself.
A year prior I entered a spiritual program that shepherded me through the 12-steps of recovery. I began to heal from my past life choices that made it seem “logical” for me to enter into such an outrageously inappropriate marriage in the first place. Because I had come to peace with my past as well as learned new tools to better deal with my present, I was better able to transition through what is one of the most painful betrayals anyone can experience – when a spouse undermines all trust, love, respect by breaking a promise.
I distinctly remember praying, “God, please don’t let this experience make me distrust men. Please Lord, do not let me lose faith in your most precious institution called marriage.” By God’s grace, I not only did not lose trust, I applied the Truth of “The Happiness Formula” and actually increased my peace and HAPPINESS such that years later I was able to enter a marriage that far exceeds my understanding of love, respect and trust.
Therefore when I experienced another of life’s most painful betrayals – that of a best friend who distorts your most intimate secrets and shares these half-truths with others and continues to defame and slander you behind your back while looking you in the eyes expressing her eternal love and commitment, I again had to employ the Truth of “The Happiness Formula.”
She told me people disliked me so much they did not want to be in the same room with me. She told me for over a year she “defended my honor” and sought to “protect” me from the vicious words of others and, yet, it was she, herself, who instigated the slander and rallied for others to exclude me from our gatherings.
I was dumfounded, literally struck speechless, when I learned that my “bestie” of 30+ years was, in fact, not only spreading lies and slander about me, but she had included stories about my son. My child?! Who does this?! What type of person looks at another human being and tells them, “I am devoted to you. I know you are a good and honorable woman. I will always defend you in the face of the slander.” And, yet, this is the person perpetrating the defamation?!
I had to turn to the “Formula” I had been practicing for years lest I react in a manner that was not becoming of the person I had worked and prayed so hard to become. I used my IQ to examine the facts. I employed my EQ to organize my feelings and consider my options. I turned to my GQ to ensure I was still on the path of love, peace, joy and happiness not just for myself but this “friend” and the many others who were part of the toxic reality that she had stirred up over the course of a year. A few admitted they did not know how to respond to her slander considering they thought we were “best friends.”
Betrayal is part of our broken humanity and while it hurts, it is not about me. In fact, in both cases, the lies of my former spouse and those of my former best friend, I was able to see how truly healthy I had become because, praise be to God, I did not lose faith in intimate, close relationships. Better yet, I have experienced deeper, richer, healthier relationships with more vulnerability because I have no fear of betrayal. I am IN this world, but I am not OF this world. My identity, my peace, my joy, my freedom are secure and I am happy!
If you are ready to increase your “happiness quotient”™, pre-order your copy of “The Happiness Formula” and we will alert you to make your purchase when it releases online January 15, 2019.
Very few people engage in the process to achieve happiness in every area of their life. For those who do, for those who participate in “The Happiness Formula,” sustainable and inexplicable happiness is the only outcome.
Kasandra Vitacca Mitchell is an Author, Speaker, Teacher of Wealth & Happiness with a mission to bring research, wisdom, and authenticity to others via “The Happiness Formula.” (Coming January 2019 #TheHappinessFormulaBook)